Long time Tiger sponsor Nike stuck around throughout the abbreviated scandal and redemption period, only to emerge this week (the eve of the Masters), with a TV commercial that acts as something of a belated public pillorying of Woods.

The spot depicts a silent and seemingly contrite Woods being gently chastised by an undated voice-over of his deceased father.  Right before the black and white spot flashes to the Nike swoosh though, the voice of Earl Woods (in a very Mike Brady moment) is heard asking his son “Did you learn anything?” Because the man who masterminded Woods’ career from the age of two through international super-stardom would surely  have been that calm and accepting of potential career fall-out from Tiger’s skanky tales.

If you haven’t seen the spot yet, which aired exclusively on ESPN & The Golf Channel, I’ll try to provide appropriate pop culture analogies.  Think Psycho’s Norman Bates fighting off the voice of his dead yet still hectoring mother+a side order of Big Love‘s Alby Grant’s dearly departed dad disapproving of him from beyond the grave, with the Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole duet from the hereafter as the soundtrack, and you’ll have a better idea of just how creepy this sales spot is.  More than creepy though, it’s inappropriate and the timing is off.

I’m sure Nike’s marketing department had a very good reason for giving Woods a public spanking.  Perhaps they wanted to appease their investors with an acknowledgment of the fact that they too had been wronged by Woods’ “transgressions” but loved him (and sales generated) still.   Perhaps they felt that portraying Woods as a loving son gone wild after the passing of his father would generate further sympathy & sales.  Or perhaps they just wanted to see how far they could push Woods in his pursuit of continued percentage off the sales of his (golf) balls and (sports) equipment.   That last one might have been something of a low blow, but racy puns aside for the most part people don’t much care about Woods’ private life anymore, they just want to see the finest golf player in the world doing what he does best.

So Tiger, in the words of your most loyal sponsor “Just do it” and move on- the sports world has.

Rachel, who secretly wonders about the new term$ of Elin Woods’ continued spousal endorsement

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I’m quoted in an interesting article on CNN on the new-ish direction that TLC is taking with the addition of uber producer Mark Burnett’s new Sarah Palin reality series (now with added controversy!).

successful and even die-hard Folds fans were disappointed.

In the last week, Folds, identified as ‘Merton’ uploaded videos of himself creating piano improvisation on ChatRoulette.  For the uninitiated,  ChatRoulette, is a vaguely creepy ( and very popular with teens and other exhibitionists) service created by a 17 year old Russian boy, in which random strangers with webcams chat anonymously until they rather rapidly bore of each other and click to the next available chatter.

In the videos, Folds combines his dual personalities as piano virtuoso and goofy performer and improvises songs based on the suggestions or actions of his chat partners.

While other celebrities claim to have visited or used the service, Folds turns it into a cultural statement, creativity challenge and goofy, depressing and heartwarming experience all at once.

It’s fascinating to keep watching/listening as someone whose medium is fairly traditional- a guy and his piano, experiments with technology to challenge both himself and his craft.

I’m not talking about the newsletters from magazines that promise 847 NEW ways to please your partner/fake great abs & cook meatloaf all while spending quality time with your kids, but rather sanctioned corporate communications from corporations or organizations.  Instead of keeping to their formerly professional tones, they seem to erroneously believe that by adapting an overly familiar bordering on smarmy tone peppered with awkward pop culture references, they’ll seem more hip and relevant.

I say ugh.

Don’t get me wrong, part of my personal brand includes frequently dropping my professional tone, regularly referencing pop culture and being fairly chatty with all of you – but that isn’t mutable simply because I seek to cash in on a trend. After years in my field(s) I understand which parts of my professional personality attract readers and/or retains clients.  Or at least that’s been my experience until now.  To keep relevant, I regularly evaluate my personal & professional brands & tweak as necessary.

But that’s what works for me- that doesn’t mean it works for my accountant or bank manager.  In fact, adapting the wrong tone can alienate people and make it hard for them to take you seriously when you segue to serious topics.

For that reason, before you hit send on the next e-mail in which you declare yourself the undisputed king of Social Media consider this:

1. Betty White & Lady Gaga are equally hot on the pop culture spectrum these days. Know which reference suits your demographic.
2. You can be funny on your own time.  If your career of choice requires serious behavior, you’ll need to find another outlet to display your fluency in Klingon.
3. Not every company has to appeal to the 21 and under set.  Tailoring your tweets to appeal to a demographic that doesn’t suit your product or messaging only serves to makes you universally irrelevant.

Rachel, who would rather be Betty White than Betty Draper

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Okay, not really, but as Stuart Elliott reports in today’s New York Times, Mattel is licensing four of the Mad Men characters for a series of limited edition dolls.

Joining a a less curvaceous, plasticine version of former Roger Sterling mistress/office manager extraordinaire Joan Holloway, will be sorta smarmy Sterling Cooper agency head Roger Sterling, the always suave Don Draper and decorative and depressed (former) wife Betty Draper.

How incredibly meta, since for all intents and purposes the Mad Men characters are mostly based on Atomic Era invention Barbie and her dysfunctional dream world.

Watch a couple of reruns of the first few episodes of ’60s sitcom Bewitched, if you really want a better idea of what probably inspired Matthew Weiner‘s characters in the first place.

Sure Darrin was goofy, but he was the lead ad man at 1960s Madison Avenue advertising agency McMann & Tate (led by equally silver less foxy than Roger Sterling, Larry Tate) and witchy wife Samantha whose ice princess pedigree and wardrobe clearly inspired much of Betty Draper’s grooming and fashion (though hers and much of blond America at the time, was clearly inspired by Grace Kelly, but I’m avoiding more meta for a moment).  Plant their happy home in upscale suburbia and throw in a mischievous redhead – Endora vs. Joan anyone? and you’ve got yourself a slick series based on a madcap comedy.

Which leads us back to Barbie.  Though the anatomically incorrect Roger Sterling & Don Draper dolls are going to have a heck of a lot less fun than the TV versions.

Rachel, who (not so) secretly covets the Mad Men Barbies

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My thought process went along these lines: Firefighters and police officers put their lives on the line on a daily basis for a pittance of what overpaid celebrities are paid.  Teachers give their professional lives to improve the lives of children and for the most part are considered over the hill at 40 (Yeah Mayor Bloomberg, I’m talking to you and your ridiculous policies) and truly made to sing for their suppers.

Public servants, the real heroes in the career world,  are treated as just that- servants, while actors are paid millions of dollars to play dress up and pretend to be other people.  For this, celebrities are not only deified, but sometimes even awarded gold statuettes.

My professional trajectory was such though, that I was involved in the back end of numerous awards ceremonies in one way or another for a long time- either as a celebrity makeup artist, after party event producer, or while on assignment writing about celebrity style.

But who are we kidding? No one really watches the Oscars to find out who won for best [insert your favorite arcane category here], we’re really watching to see who’s wearing what, who’s dating who and who’s really bad at concealing their disappointment.

I learned a lot while watching the Oscars last night, some lessons even worthy of translating into real life lessons.

1. Good Things Come To Those Who Wait (and/or have excellent family credentials): I was thrilled to see Jeff Bridges take home the award for best actor last night.  It made me feel all warm and fuzzy when he repeatedly looked heavenward and acknowledged his parents (though not brother Beau) and made me wonder if he’d have had the success he did/does if not for the Bridges surname.  Don’t get me wrong, the Dude totally abides, one just wonders to what extent his pedigree has helped him on his professional journey.
2. Gracious is Good: Though German actor Christoph Waltz was pretty much considered a shoo-in for best supporting actor for his role in Inglourious Basterds, he was modest and inclusive in his thank yous.  After every award won, his speech reflected not only his delight in winning, but also true gratitude for director Quentin Tarrantino and the entire film cast.  Elegant and appreciative.
3. You’ve Come A Long Way Baby (though not far enough): Director Katherine Bigelow took home the statuette for best director for The Hurt Locker, a first time win for a female director. Yay! The band even played a schmaltzy rendition of female power anthem ‘I Am Woman (Hear Me Roar)’ Thrilling. Unless you consider the fact that this country has not yet had a woman president.  We shouldn’t notice these distinctions- we should be at a point where we take it for granted.

There are loads more, but I was too distracted by the evening gowns to further comment.

Rachel, who always wanted Sandra Bullock to play me in my life story, but will probably have to rethink that bit of casting now that she’s an Oscar winner.

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What’s not such a good thing though, is the fact that since the dawn of time or at least since the dawn of the internet, there’s been a battle raging between those that inform and those that inflame vying to get their points of view to the forefront.

Read any public blog or news outlet and your sure to encounter a steady stream of commentators eager to make their voices heard.  Some comment threads are incredibly helpful and move the conversation forward allowing ideas to grow and expand.  Some on the other hand, have a disturbing way of becoming a forum for fomenting hatred, or a place for those with incredibly twisted world views to present their ideas with some semblance of the stamp of approval of the website or outlet in question.

Over a decade has passed since the internet has become a household word and there has been no real change in the way that comments are gathered or presented.  One suspects that so eager are outlets ranging from Gawker to CNet to the New York Times to keep people coming back and interacting, that they still refuse to moderate the comments that do or do not appear after their sanctioned articles. Worse still, are popular applications like Twitter and Facebook which seem to regularly turn a blind eye to hate groups, allowing their numbers to grow and expand.

Let’s make this clear for once and for all, moderating is not censorship.  Journalists and editors work in tandem to create features that inform yet don’t always express the popular points of view.  Printed letters to the editor are chosen from hundreds if not thousands submitted and again, don’t always express the popular or safe point of view.

Popular online applications and publications on the other hand, seem to edit only internally.  By turning a blind eye to the input of others, they’re allowing their very pricey pixelated real estate to become a battleground controlled not by those who want to create a dialogue, but also those who hold hostage the notion of free speech in an effort to publicize their ignorant attitudes, spew hate or vent their collective spleen.

With so many people seeking employment, it would seem a no-brainer for the major online publishers to finally and incredibly belatedly hire full time moderators to at least create a sense of balance on their forums and comments.

Rachel, who grows weary of trying to navigate the minefields that online forums sometimes become

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What enchants us once or twice a season has become a major source of rancor and disillusionment.  If the snow were a celebrity it would be on par with Paris Hilton or the Gosselins – over-exposed and while once adored by some, if mildly entertaining to others, now mostly vilified and about as welcome as Tiger Woods at the Nordegren family reunion.

As my father is fond of saying “Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it.” Until now that is.  To combat the disturbing trend of snow rage, I’ve come up with ways to at least entertain us until Old Man Winter & Mother Nature come to some sort of arrangement about this idiotic ongoing inclement weather.

1. Make it Yummy: Maybe Hawaii really does have the right idea- balmy weather and shaved ice sound incredibly tempting right now.  Perhaps there’s some way to aerially add tasty syrups and flavorings to literally make the snow more palatable.
2. Make it Freaky: What we need right now is a freak weather system.  Not a day of soaring heat that would have Al Gore on the news and anyone rightly concerned with Global Warming aflurry with fear, but maybe a just comfy enough 60 degree day to remind us that better weather actually exists. I, for one would be grateful to remember a time without perpetual waterproof boots and fleece everything.  Just think about the photo ops of all those winter drained souls frolicking in Central Park.
3. Make it Creative: We know that most cities are strapped for cash, but maybe we could all collaborate on temporary public art.  With a little non permanent food coloring tricked up like invisible ink, people could create ephemeral works of art using the snow as a canvas.  And just think about what a great way it would be to camouflage the ubiquitous yellow snow.
4. Make it Athletic: Poor Vancouver.  First there was that very public example of ED at the opening ceremonies when the fourth leg of the cauldron failed to rise.  Now there’s the performance anxiety in being unable to produce snow. Ah the irony.  Maybe we can help generate some excitement for the games by staging our own urban Olympics.  I envision cross country shopping, speed dating, curling (your hair), subway sprints and  grocery runs.

Rachel, who would even welcome seasonal allergies over one more snow day

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In a time of very public outrage and very public interaction, as a celebrity communicator Smith has even more of a voice and platform than your average insulted consumer.  Instead of waiting for a snarky if genteel and well placed article to highlight his plight, Smith used his immediate outlet on Twitter and his inimitable voice to express his outrage and disgust.  He also posted a picture of himself looking (in his words) too fat to fly.

To play devil’s advocate for a moment though, in a time of heightened security, is it at all possible that Southwest Airlines was concerned that Smith might have been hiding explosives on his (by their description) larger than average person? Sure. That’s entirely possible, since Jet Blue seemed to have the same concern when my 81 year old teeny, svelte and gorgeous Aunt Malku, (she of the Hungarian accent so pronounced that she makes the Gabor sisters sound like Valley girls) was flying in from Sarasota last week and they patted her down, questioned her and detained her for about 4 hours before deciding she didn’t present a security risk after all.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating.  They only kept her for 45 minutes, but the absurdity of Aunt Malku’s  situation is as offensive as the Smith situation.

Then again, I’m sure there are people who are equally offended at having to share cross-country flights with screaming babies and barking dogs.  Oh please, I know for a fact you’ve had evil thoughts about the parents of the rambunctious toddler who alternated between drooling on your headrest and kicking your seat on your last flight.

So where does an airline draw the line and allow passengers to retain their dignity?  The first order of business is to create a unified policy on security issues and seat requirements.  Today’s travel restrictions are bad enough, but they make sense to most of us.  To further insult passengers who are deemed too fat or too tall, can’t be the right way to rule the friendly skies.  It doesn’t matter that Smith is a public figure with a louder voice and reach than most of us, what matters is that in issues of customer service and sensitivity, many airlines seem to have lost their most basic sense of appropriateness if not mission.

Time to completely rewrite their customer service and passenger guidelines instead of patching them with every color coded security threat.

Rachel, who would happily share a seatrest with Kevin Smith on any flight

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